While traditionally seen as protectors and providers, men are now grappling with evolving marital expectations, financial pressures, and societal shifts that challenge long-held norms.

Marriage has long been regarded as sacred and enduring, as expressed in the Bible:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What God has united, human beings must not divide.”

Despite these ideals, societal attitudes toward marriage are shifting. In many traditional societies, remaining single is still considered taboo.

Yet, according to marriage counsellor John Sergon, modern couples increasingly delay or avoid marriage due to fears of marital instability.

This reality highlights the growing complexities surrounding the institution of marriage, particularly for men.

For generations, men have been socialised to shoulder the financial burdens of marriage, often at the expense of their emotional well-being.

Traditionally, a man’s value in a relationship was tied to his ability to provide.

However, with evolving societal expectations and Kenya’s Matrimonial Property Act, 2013, marriage is now seen as a partnership where contributions extend beyond finances to emotional support and domestic involvement.

The Act recognises non-monetary contributions such as childcare and homemaking, a commendable step toward equality.

Yet, this shift has left many men feeling undervalued, particularly in marital disputes where their financial contributions may no longer hold the same weight.

For some, this creates a sense of uncertainty about their roles in marriage, as they navigate uncharted waters of shared responsibility and mutual accountability.

Men are now expected to participate more actively in emotional and domestic labour, alongside their traditional financial roles.

This shift, while progressive, has also increased the pressures on men. They must balance societal expectations of being breadwinners with the need to engage emotionally and domestically, often without the tools or cultural support to navigate these new demands.

The result is a growing sense of vulnerability. Societal stigmas discourage men from expressing emotional struggles, creating a toxic environment where they feel pressured to appear strong, even as they silently grapple with the demands of modern marriage.

Marriage counsellor Dr. Philip Kitoto offers valuable advice:

“Marriages die when pollutants like selfish attitudes, blame-shifting, and lack of accountability infest the relationship.”

For men, this means embracing open communication, empathy, and mutual respect—qualities traditionally dismissed as feminine but now essential for marital success.

The Bible’s teaching on marriage emphasises unity and partnership:

“So they are no longer two but one flesh.”

Yet achieving this unity requires intentional effort. Men must learn to value their partners not just through financial contributions but also through actions, empathy, and shared responsibility.

Kenya’s matrimonial property laws emphasise fairness but demand transparency. Men must document their contributions—both financial and non-monetary—to protect their interests in the event of disputes.

This is especially crucial as joint ownership becomes the standard, and assumptions about men’s financial dominance fade.

Equally important is the need for men to redefine their roles in marriage. True partnership involves shared responsibilities and mutual respect, values that men must champion in their relationships.

As we celebrate Men’s Day, let us challenge the outdated narrative that men must bear the weight of marriage alone.

Instead, let us embrace a new vision of men as equal partners, capable of emotional depth, domestic contribution, and legal awareness.

Marriage is a shared journey, and its success depends on mutual effort. Men must be empowered to speak openly about their struggles in relationships—whether related to financial pressures, emotional labour, or fears of instability.

By fostering a culture of openness and support, we can equip men to navigate the complexities of modern marriage with confidence and compassion.

This Men’s Day, let us honour the men who strive to build strong, equitable marriages. Let us also acknowledge their challenges and provide them with the tools and support needed to thrive in an evolving marital landscape.

After all, a strong marriage is not a man’s burden to bear alone—it is a shared commitment to unity, growth, and love.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the position of Pulse as its publisher.

Editor’s Note: Recognising the societal pressures men face, Pulse Kenya has partnered with Money Clinic for the second edition of the Average Joe’s forum happening on November 23, 2024. The organisers are committed to creating a supportive, media-free environment where attendees can openly share and learn from one another.